


Gentle

by smokeandmirrorscloakanddagger



Series: Bucky/Reader [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional, F/M, Insecure Bucky Barnes, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Protective Bucky Barnes, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 03:31:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11176101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokeandmirrorscloakanddagger/pseuds/smokeandmirrorscloakanddagger
Summary: Bucky and the reader are sharing an intimate moment when he accidentally reveals something to her.OrBucky Barnes wants a normal life.





	Gentle

**Author's Note:**

> Basically just smut with a lot of feelings. I have a lot of feelings about Bucky Barnes okay?
> 
> Anyways! I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think, or what you might want to see next. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!

His heart and soul are wrecked when he finds his way to their bedroom door. The apartment is dark and silent as a tomb but light is shining under the crack of the bedroom door. He can hear Y/N humming though. A quiet, happy tune. She’s waiting for him to come home.

Bucky’s soul settles just a little in his chest. His heart stops pounding quite so hard.

The door is pushed open quietly. She’s standing at the dresser across the room, organizing her jewelry and swaying along to her own small song. A cool breeze is coming in the open windows, New York City’s skyline visible beyond glass, lit up against the dark night sky.

Smooth skin disappears under silk shorts, his own t-shirt tucked into them. Her hair is loose and there are fuzzy socks on her feet.

He starts to lift a hand to reach out to her but stops. For a moment he just watches her, admires her, the way she moves, the way she stands, the way her hair looks in the low light. The only light in the room is from the fairy lights she’s strung up around the room. The soft warm glow only adds to his opinion that he’s found a real angel on earth among mortals. Bucky’s so silent she doesn’t hear him come closer. It’s nice because she’s a normal girl without an assassin’s tuned senses but terrifying because someone else could sneak up on her like this too.

Stretching up her left leg, from her ankle to her upper thigh, is a raised pink line. It’s a line he’s left on her. A scar commemorating the first time they met. Bucky doesn’t like to think about it too much. To think he had left a permanent, violent scar on someone so pure and good, hurts him. Guilt floods him, as it always does when he sees it. He pulls off his gloves and steps forward over the plush carpet, dropping them as he goes.

She hears the gloves hit the carpet and starts to turn when he reaches her, wrapping his arms around her middle. “It’s just me, baby, just me,” he says into her neck when she jumps. “I’m home.” Y/N doesn’t smell like him anymore, the weeks apart having taken his scent away from her skin.

Y/N leans back into his chest, her eyes closing happily. “You’re back early.”

He hums against her, at peace once more, as he kisses her temple. Fingers dance along her waist, untucking her shirt, so he can graze the soft skin there. Y/N sighs gently. “How bad?”

“Very.” His chest aches a little as he tries to stave off the feelings the completed mission has left in him. “I need you, baby.”

“I’m here.” She turns her head and kisses his shoulder, her mouth meeting the hard clothing he wears. He can’t feel her mouth or the soft kiss she’s left there. He’s still dressed in full tactile gear and suddenly can’t stand it anymore, not being able to feel her skin against his. Very carefully Bucky slides his fingers up her stomach, traces the curve of her breasts, before he cups them and swipes his thumbs over her nipples. She arches against his touch and lets out a shaky breath. “I missed you.” He pinches her nipples gently and rolls them between thumb and forefinger, smiling when she jumps and sighs.

Bucky squeezes her breasts and presses a kiss against her throat. “I missed you too.” He’s massaging her chest now, making her moan quietly. “I missed my angel,” he murmurs to her before he grazes his teeth over her earlobe.

Y/N giggles against him and then purrs when he takes his hands away to run his fingers up her sides, scratching lightly and reveling in the softness of her. Before he can take things any further she turns in his arms and looks up at him. A gasp leaves her and she shoves away from him. “Buck!”

“I’m fine, sweetheart.” He knows he looks awful. His face is bruised and bloody which only indicates to her that the rest of his body is a little worse for wear. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

Bucky puts a finger under her chin and lifts it, dipping his head to capture her lips. “I promise,” he whispers against her mouth. He can feel her heartbreak and worry as she clenches her jaw.

There are tears pooling in her eyes when he pulls away. “Let me help you out of that. C’mon, to the bathroom.” He follows easily, lacing his fingers with hers.

Once in the bathroom she wipes her eyes and then works on the buckles and zippers binding him into the uncomfortable leather. She unlaces his boots and strips him of his clothing, leaving him only in his boxer briefs. “I’m okay,” he says when tears start to build again. He takes her face between his palms, swiping his thumbs under her eyes. “Really, doll, by tomorrow I’ll be completely healed.” She pats his hand against her cheek before pulling it away.

“Shower.”

“Join me.”

There’s no point in hiding what he wants. He wants to feel her. If nothing else, just her skin against his. To wash away the blood and dirt and replace it with clean skin and love. Her smile is careful. She knows what he needs without having to hear the words. But today something seems different.

Usually she would agree, her clothes would find the floor, and they would already be under the warm spray together. Today however, she takes a step back and nods. She bites her lip hard. “Just, uh,” Y/N’s voice cracks horribly. “Just give me a second okay? I’ll be there in a second.” His career is hurting her, he knows that. But she’ll never tell him not to go, knows that he needs to. But Bucky is terrified that maybe one day this lifestyle will become too much for her.

Bucky opens his mouth to ask her to stay, to talk about it, but she’s already out the door. This time is no different from the others. He looks no worse than usual though the mission had been more harrowing. Maybe she _has_ finally tired of a boyfriend that always comes home limping and broken. He sighs to himself and turns on the shower, slipping off his boxers and stepping under the water before it’s fully warm. It’s not like he’s worth it anyways.

A minute passes and then two. Three. Four.

Maybe ten minutes have passed when the bathroom door opens. He listens to her take his shirt off and then those soft silk shorts and her ridiculous fuzzy socks, and finally her panties. Stillness threads through his blood as her arms wrap around him from behind. _I’m sorry_ , is whispered into his shoulder. _I love you. I love you. I worry. I’m sorry._

Y/N’s fingertips graze against his stomach, making the muscles contract and ripple beneath her hands. Bucky keeps still as her hands run up over his chest and back down to his hips, over the wet curve of his thighs. And then she reaches back up to slide her hands down from his elbows to his cracked hands, twisting their fingers together, metal and flesh alike as she bows her head and rests it against the space between his shoulder blades.

It’s grounding and good. His heart hurts.

They stand there under the warm water for minutes or maybe hours, just reveling in the feel of the other’s skin against their own. Eventually Y/N grabs a loofa and spreads soap over it before beginning to wash him. Halfheartedly he tries to protest but ultimately lets her do as she pleases because it just feels too damn _good_.  

His hair takes the longest, the blood and dirt having congealed there. She still takes her time being gentle, and Bucky bends his knees to make it easier for her.

But then she’s crying again and kissing him and his heart is shattering. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here. I’m here. I’m okay.” He slides his hands down her wet sides.

“There might be a day that you aren’t though.” Y/N would never ask him to stop, she doesn’t want him to, but she worries so much that some nights when its late and the bed is cold, it makes her physically sick.

Bucky meets her lips in a deep kiss, pressing closer and closer. His hand dips down her back and over her ass to hook under her thigh. “I’ll always come home to you, babydoll.”

She swallows hard and wraps her arms around his neck. “Promise? Some days…it’s too much. To look at you and know there’s nothing I can do-,”

“You do, though. You are enough. You wait for me. You love me. You are the reason I come home.”

Y/N kisses him hard and he lifts her leg higher, dragging it over his hip. She gasps against his mouth. “Make me yours.” He growls and bites her bottom lip, pulling away before letting go. “Please,” she says before she goes about sucking a bruise onto his neck, right where his neck meets his shoulder. He’s half-hard against her now, his cock against her folds. He ruts gently against her, groaning as Y/N pulls away from his neck, lips swollen and beautiful. His fingers come up to tangle into her hair and tug her head back. “Please Buck.” She begs as he kisses up her exposed throat.

“Okay.” He soothes her, letting go of her hair. “Okay, babydoll.” Bucky lowers her leg from his hip and spins her around carefully. “Hands against the wall sweetheart.” One hand goes between her legs, spreading her gently. She’s wet against his fingers as he rubs along her slit. Soft kisses are peppered along her shoulders as one finger is slipped into her. “I’m here, Y/N. Relax.” He curls his finger, brushes over her spot, as she whimpers against the wall where her forehead rests.

In reality they both know this is what _he_ needs. To feel her, know she’s real and present, to have the smell of her against his skin again. He presses closer to her, removing his hand from her wet folds. He reaches under her arm and traces up her torso until he gets to her neck, wrapping his hand there. For a moment, he just lets it rest there, not squeezing at all, as his other hand goes to her clit. She mewls as she turns her head to bite his flesh bicep in pleasure and in reprimand. 

He puts a bit of pressure on the sides of her neck then as he continues to trace patterns over her clit. “I’m here with you doll,” he whispers against the back of her neck. “We’re together.” Bucky isn’t sure who he’s trying to convince as Y/N takes one hand away from the wall to reach back and run her fingers through his hair and tug on the long, clean ends. Bucky groans and sinks his teeth into her shoulder, making her yelp, and hopefully leaving a mark to trace in the morning.

Her thighs tremble as Bucky increases pressure on her clit before he presses two fingers inside of her, his thumb still against her sensitive bundle of nerves. “You’re okay, sweetheart.” He takes his hand away from her neck as her breath starts to scrape in her throat, instead wrapping his arm around her waist. “Come for me. I wanna feel you come around my fingers.” Her hips buck against his hand as he thrusts his hard cock against her ass, seeking some friction. “C’mon baby.”

With a loud cry she comes, digging her fingers into his arm. “ _Good girl_. Oh, sweetheart, so good for me. Good girl.”

As she comes down, body unclenching, she releases her hold on his arm. His fingers leave her and trail back up until his hand meets his own lips. She turns her head, rests it on his shoulder and watches as he sucks his fingers clean. “Kiss me,” she requests breathily.

“You don’t have to ask,” Bucky murmurs before kissing Y/N softly, hand on her jaw. “You taste so sweet, sugar. I can’t help myself.” She turns in his arms and shivers, the water having cooled down significantly.

They stand together quietly for a moment, Bucky’s arms around her under the cold water, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed, until her shivering is too much for him to ignore. So, he turns the water off and picks Y/N up bridal style, carrying her to the bedroom and depositing her on the bed. “Buck, the sheets-,”

“It’ll be okay, baby. It’s just water. I’ll change them okay?” He grabs her ankles and pulls her wet body to the end of the bed. Letting one go he places the other against his shoulder. Bucky kisses the inside of her ankle, at the start of her scar. “You’re so beautiful, sweetheart.” His eyes rove over her body, trying to memorize it.

She blushes and wiggles. “Bucky-,”

“Shh,” he whispers against her skin, kissing down her calf, still along the raised red line, the mark the knife had left on her, stopping when he reaches the inside of her knee. “I wish I never had to leave you, Y/N.” He continues down her thigh, presses a gentle kiss to her hipbone. He braces his forehead against her lower stomach, lips finding her pubic bone. “I don’t want to, baby.” More kisses land lower and lower before he gives small kitten licks to her clit. “Shit,” he pulls back and pushes her knee over his shoulder as he kneels on the floor. “I meant to talk to you about this earlier. At a better time.” Her hands push into his hair, tugging gently.

“Jesus Buck…You have me all riled up and you’re trying to have a conversation-,”

He pinches her thigh to get her to quiet, “I know. But I need to tell you. I’m done. I’m getting out. You’re the most important thing in my life. I already talked to Steve. We can have a normal life together. We can leave all this shit behind.” Before she can say anything he lowers his mouth to her again. All thoughts fly out of her head as his talented mouth works her over.

Halfheartedly she tries to push him away. But soon nothing else matters but keeping that pleasure building. She grips his hair hard as her other leg goes over his shoulder, thighs squeezing his head.

His lips whisper over her, tracing and sucking and licking, until her body seizes again and she comes for a second time.

As soon as she’s got her bearings back she tries to ask him what he means. But he’s kneeling on the bed, encouraging her back against the pillows, her skin still slick with water from the shower and sweat. “Bucky-,”

“Doll, I-,”

“Bucky you can’t give up your career for me. The world needs you. I am not forever. The world will always spin on but only if _you_ continue to help save it.”

He stops, his hands on her knees, “What do you mean you aren’t forever?”

“I-,”

“Because…Y/N you are my only constant. You are my forever.”

Y/N’s eyes widen, “Oh, Buck…” She reaches up and pulls him down. “Baby, I just don’t want you to give up your life for something that-,”

“You are the most important thing in my life.” He kisses her deeply. “I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you. To be with you alone. Make love to you. Build a family with you. Laugh with you. Wake up with you. Everything else…isn’t important.”

She threads her fingers through his hair. “It’s your decision. But honey…you can have both. And I love you. I’m not going anywhere. No matter how hard it gets, I’m here with you.” Her smile turns a little cheeky, “I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to be your girl.”

“Why? The first time I met you I slashed your leg open while I was trying to kill my best friend.”

“Darling.” Y/N trails her fingers along his cheek. “The first time you met me you weren’t _you_. I don’t count that as the first time but you seem to and it breaks my heart. The world doesn’t need the Winter Soldier. _I_ don’t need the Winter Soldier. But we both need Bucky Barnes, the hero, the good man. And I’m willing to share.”

His eyes are closed, his breathing deep and even. “I don’t deserve you.” Y/N reaches between them and takes him in her hand and guides him to her entrance. Her other hand goes to his lower back, presses him forward, deeper.

“No,” she whispers when she feels him bottom out, her walls contracting around him half-painfully. “You deserve the world.”

There’s a beat of silence and then a low groan as Bucky drops his head to her shoulder. “You’re so perfect. My Angel. Shit, and tight.” He slowly drags backward, letting her feel every bit of him. “And wet and warm,” He whispers when he’s done sucking bruises onto her neck. “And _mine_.” Suddenly he thrusts forward, slamming into her. Y/N arches her back and grips his hair as she screams his name. In an effort to bring him closer she spreads her legs wider and wraps them around his waist, whining as she tries to bind them together, body and soul.

Her fingers are still in his hair as he pushes in and out of her slowly, and Y/N tugs on it until he pulls back and looks into her eyes. “I’m here.” She tucks his hair behind his ear and then loosely wraps her fingers around his throat. “I’m here. You don’t have to choose.” She squeezes his neck lightly as he groans.

“What if I want to choose?” He asks as she strokes her thumb over his neck.

“Makes no difference.” The hand around his neck flies away as he starts to thrust shallowly into her again, instead trailing over his muscular shoulders and back when he lowers his head to mark her breasts. “I’m with you either way.”

He sucks painful marks over the supple flesh. Bruising her body as his as he slowly moves upwards over her neck, purple following his long and deliberate ministrations.

Soon she’s whimpering and tightening her legs around his waist, Y/N’s breasts covered in little purple love bites. He looks up and keeps the same slow pace, the same deliberate drag over her clit as he leans on her body. “Are you gonna come again, baby?” She nods, tears in her eyes. “Go ahead. Come for me again, Y/N. Be a good girl and come for me.”

She does hard, whole body coiling tightly as she shakes around him. When she relaxes she sighs and trails her hand up from where it had been resting on his hip to his face. “Baby I want you to come inside me.”

A low growl escapes him. “Don’t fuckin’ say that Y/N-,”

“I mean it. I’m on the pill. I want you to do it.” She trails her fingers delicately over his chest, and purposefully over his nipples. “Want it to be good for you. You’ve made me feel _so_ good, Buck. You’re so _good_ …” Tilting her head back, voice a sigh of ecstasy as her eyes roll back. He curses under his breath.  

Bucky pulls away from her entirely, her disappointed whine only making him want her more. He knows he won’t last long as he sits back on his knees and pulls her by her hips toward him. When all he does is stare down at her, the word _angel_ running around and around and around his brain, Y/N takes him in her hand and strokes him slowly. “Are you gonna do something or-,”

He takes his cock in his hand and pushes into her roughly. A loud moan leaves her as she throws her head back, fingers scrabbling at the sheets. “This won’t be gentle doll.”

“Who said I wanted it to be?”

And so he isn’t. It’s rough and fast and desperate. It’s hard and only half pleasure, the other half a delicious pain. When the familiar feeling of an orgasm starts to curl around his spine he says, “Are you sure?”

Her eyes are distant and fucked out as she nods, having already came again, another orgasm fast approaching. The problem with Bucky is that not only does he have stamina, he has the skill to go along with it, he knows her body so well he can play it anyway he likes. She nods slowly and he slaps her thigh making her focus sharply and yelp. “Words.” He pulls her right leg away from his hip and kisses her calf before moving it to the other side, crossing it over her other leg.

“Yes. Yeah.” Her fingers wrap around his biceps, metal and flesh alike. “Please, baby, I’m so sensitive. I can’t take it anymore. _Please_.”

“I want you to say it.” She doesn’t respond at first as her walls start to clench around him again, the new angle and tightness too much. Another sharp slap lands on her hip, which he immediately soothes over with his fingertips. “C’mon babydoll, please. I want to hear you say it.”

She looks up from where she had been watching the place where their bodies connected. “Please come inside me,” her voice is a delicate sigh. His pace is slow and deep, hands on her hips which are twisted to the side.

A deep guttural moan leaves him, Y/N reaches up to pull him down into a heated kiss. She swallows his moans with kisses, pressing her mouth to his neck and jaw gently as his hips stutter to a stop. He stays leaning over her, kissing sloppily for a long minute, as he comes down from his high, carefully to keep pressure off of her but not willing to move away for a moment.

Eventually she moves her mouth away from his, to push her nose into his neck. He feels tears there and then she bites him, not hard enough to hurt but certainly enough to sting. Bucky pulls out of her slowly, carefully letting her legs stretch out, before he lies down next to her and pulls her into his side.

For a moment, peace settles. Bucky hopes that she’ll fall asleep, that he’s worn her out, after all she had come _five fucking times_ , and that they won’t have to talk about it but she turns and nuzzles into him. “We have to talk about this, Bucky.”

He kisses to top of her head and traces one finger up her thigh, before pulling the sheet over their spent bodies. “Can’t it wait until morning?”

“No. You know it can’t.”

“Don’t I deserve a normal life, baby? Don’t _we_?” He doesn’t look at her, closes his eyes and burrows into her neck. He feels guilty for wanting to get away. Bucky knows he doesn’t deserve a normal life and he _knows_ he doesn’t deserve Y/N and that’s why it’s so important to him to hang onto this while it lasts. One day soon she’ll recognize him as the devil that he is.

She curls her fingers in his hair, smoothing through his long locks carefully. “You deserve everything. But you also have a place. You’re special. I used to worry you would tire of me.” He clutches her tighter. “I’m nothing and boring and normal. But you love that about me. And it’s only because of people like you that I have the luxury of being boring and normal. So you can have both. You can be a hero during the day and when you come home you can just be Bucky. As long as you let me cry about your injuries every once and awhile.”

“You are an angel.”

“Only for you. And I’ll always be here.”

“Mm.” His nose presses behind her ear. “You smell like me now.” She laughs and her heartrate speeds up. “And it flusters you that I can smell the difference and you can’t.”

She pushes his shoulder. “Stop it,” she mumbles. “You know I hate that, stupid super soldier.”

“It’s okay baby. I smell like you too now. It’s why I hate missions. Besides being away from you, I stop smelling like you.” He sighs, “I know you’re right. But I still…I can’t believe…I’m afraid that I might lose you. I’m afraid that I won’t realize the toll and then I’ll come home and you won’t be here. Organizing your jewelry in the middle of the night no less.” He smiles against her hair as she scoffs.

“So we’re afraid of the same things.” Bucky only shrugs in response, tracing every line of her.

His hand finds the scar on her leg and a familiar guilt washes over him. “How do you look at that without-,”

“Don’t do that. That wasn’t you. You torture yourself about it enough.”

Her eyes are drooping, and he passes his thumb over her forehead as he holds her close with his metal arm, the cold metal helping her body cool down. Y/N puts her hand on the side of his neck and whispers her love to him, murmuring and babbling until she falls asleep. “You are _my_ angel,” she says just before she falls asleep.

Bucky knows he’s the devil, after what he’s seen and done there’s no way he’s not. But in his angel’s eyes he’s also an angel and he decides that must be good enough.


End file.
